


Knock Knock

by amaresu



Category: The Losers (2010), The Losers - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, pairings are minor and in the background, parentheticals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-03
Updated: 2014-02-03
Packaged: 2018-01-11 00:19:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1166351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amaresu/pseuds/amaresu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They weren't always the Losers, even when they were together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Knock Knock

**Author's Note:**

  * For [chaosmanor](https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaosmanor/gifts).



Before the Losers were the Losers they were just five guys with too much training and too many guns bouncing between Special Forces groups. (Clay and Roque tended to bounce together, but not always.) They had all worked together at one point or another so it was inevitable that someone higher up the pay scale would throw them together, either it'd work out or they'd get themselves killed and solve a different problem. They don't die, but they still aren't the Losers. They're just five guys with too much training and too many guns (or knives in Roque's case) working together.

But they work together well and Clay doesn’t have to stop Roque from killing anyone and no one has to stop Roque from killing Clay (at least not that was reported) so they stay together. It's several missions down the road before they become the Losers. It's the prefect storm of Clay making up crazy ass plans, Roque not trusting anyone, Cougar failing to communicate, Jensen failing to shut up, and Pooch running back towards an exploding plane to get that damn dashboard dog that almost kills them all. (The long walk back to base almost has them killing each other.) 

The real reason they're the Losers is Jensen's Laffy Taffy break. He calls it just as Roque is getting ready to smash the stupid toy Pooch risked his life for all over the road, causing enough confusion for Pooch to grab it back. By that point he's sitting down and pulling out his last remaining Laffy Taffy as everyone looks on, “I've been saving this one.”

They wait with barely concealed impatience as he pulls the wrapper off the treat, chews the barely edible wax like candy and carefully smooths out the paper. (By this point Roque is pointedly sharpening a knife and Pooch is holding a grenade with a contemplative look on his face.) Jensen gives Clay a look before smiling at Cougar, “Knock knock.”

Cougar looks over, looks at Clay, looks at the others who are staring at Jensen like he just lost his damn mind (they all know he lost it years ago) before shrugging and tilting his hat up to get a clear look at Jensen, “Who's there?”

Jensen grins bright and easy, leaning back against his pack, “Cow says.”

“Cow says who?” Cougar answers, his expression clearly stating that he can't believe he's participating in this exchange.

Jensen snorts in response, “No, cow says moo.”

The delivery is deadpan, serious, and it takes them all a moment to process it before one by one they break down laughing. Sitting on the side of the road, covered in mud and blood and cuts and bruises, laughing at the world's worst knock knock joke, that was when they became the Losers.

The damn joke becomes a touchstone of the years. It's there in some lonely cave cells in Afghanistan where the only communication Pooch, Roque, and Jensen have as they wait for Clay and Cougar to get them the fuck out is a series whistles that can be heard throughout the complex. It's starts with -.- -. --- -.-. -.- / -.- -. --- -.-. -.- / .-- .... --- .----. ... / - .... . .-. . / -.-. --- .-- / ... .- -.-- ... / -.-. --- .-- / ... .- -.-- ... / .-- .... --- / -. --- / -.-. --- .-- / ... .- -.-- ... / -- --- --- broken up between them, each one saying a part. By the time rescue finally comes all they have -- --- --- over and over again -- --- ---. 

(It's said that when Clay heard -- --- --- ringing throughout the base he pointed his gun and the man refusing to tell them where the cells were in the underground complex, and said, “Moo motherfucker.” Clay denies this ever happened and Cougar refuses to comment, but they found the cells remarkable quick for how deeply they were buried inside the mountain.)

It's there the night Pooch and Clay fall off a damn mountain and Roque is ready to start climbing down after them before Pooch yells up, “Knock knock.”

It's a long night, but every time someone (Roque) gets itchy for night time spelunking with no gear someone (Cougar or Jensen) shouts down, “Who's there?”

It's there when everything goes to hell, they're all airlifted to the hospital except for Cougar who's been on post for over 72 hours with no sleep, food, or water and refuses to leave without talking to Clay. Clay who is unconscious and in surgery. He shoots at anyone who comes near him until they send up a guy with a small plastic cow from a farm playset. Cougar looks at it and the terrified man carrying it for a minute before packing up his gun and allowing himself to be evac'ed. 

(No one mentions how close it came to being forced to take Cougar out to get him off the damn post. It was that or leave him there for the enemy to find. They only tried the cow because Jensen had told them to “give him a cow” while Pooch moo'd in the background over the scratchy radio and, frankly, they were out of options.)

The only time it's not there is when it should've been. Bolivia is a dark and empty place for them all, but Clay can't help but think that something might've gone differently if he'd just turned to Roque one night and said, “Knock knock.” Or found him a stupid fucking stuffed cow. Something, anything, to say that they were still the Losers. But he didn't because they weren't really the Losers at that point, they were five men with far too much training and far too much pain stuck in Bolivia together. 

(Jensen has a postcard of a cow that he never gave to Roque and Pooch thinks of the times he almost made the joke while out drinking with the bastard. Cougar remembers sitting on the roof of the hotel, drinking crappy tequila, and saying, “Knock knock,” only to have Roque throw down his shotglass and walk away muttering about stupid jokes. Cougar thinks that maybe Clay should've been up there drinking bad tequila.)

It makes a triumphant comback in the canary yellow stretch Hummer as they driver away from the port. Cougar looks at everyone in turn, pointedly and deliberately, before turning to Aisha, “Knock, knock.”

She stares at Cougar like he's grown two heads, but she can feel the tension in the Hummer. It's Clay's relaxed smile though that gets her to answer, “Who's there?”

Cougar grins and leans back against his seat, “Cow says.”

Aisha can feel the tension ramping up and continues with the pattern she's known from childhood, “Cow says who?”

And Cougar snorts. He snorts with such disgust that it practically says 'you poor, deluded, stupid fool'. He snorts and answers, “No, cow says moo.”

There's a moment of silence before they all start laughing. After a second Aisha joins in and they pull over on the side of the road so Jensen doesn't crash the car. It's in that moment that Aisha becomes a Loser. 

(Clay won't tell her the full story until later. Not until the night Cougar and Jensen come back to the safe house smelling of stale beer with still bleeding tattoos on their right forearms that spell out MOOOOO! and they stumble off without even pretending they aren't sleeping in the same bed.)

It's Aisha who gets everyone to the right safe house after it all goes FUBAR and Max almost kills them. It's a spray painted KNOCK KNOCK on the side of the local library and a coded address in the copy of _Where's My Cow?_ that gets everyone to their current Home Sweet Home. Some take longer than others because Clay has apparently never heard of Discworld, but they all make it.

(Later that night they discuss their favorite books and no one mentions comparisons between Clay and Vimes after the look Aisha gives them when she says the Watch books are her favorites.)


End file.
